I’ve hosted and cooked food for gatherings of all sorts over the years: Thanksgiving with my whole family, Powerpoint Parties with friends, intimate dinners with loved ones. Through all of these experiences, I’ve garnered a few tips and tricks that make a really meaningful difference. Remember, you’re not hosting an Instagram perfect dinner with candles and flowers and napkins to match. That’s nice but it’s not the secret sauce that makes a gathering actually memorable and meaningful.

Hosting and cooking for a crowd isn’t a small deal but that doesn’t mean it has to be hard. Without further ado, here are my top 6 tips for hosting well — a dinner party playbook, if you like — including some theme ideas for your next gathering.

Tip #1: Forget the Aesthetics

It’s nice to have a perfect tablescape but it can make entertaining in your home intimidating or unapproachable. Well, take heart! Because matching candles and napkins aren’t what makes a dinner party memorable. If the thing keeping you from hosting is the pressure to make it aesthetic, skip it. Don’t let it hold you back from making good memories.

The takeaway: Go with something minimal (like a little bouquet of fresh flowers from Trader Joe’s!) and spend your energy thinking about more important things. Which leads me to…

Tip #2: Decide on a theme

“Tomato Party” or “Greek Night” is cool but you know what’s cooler? Choosing a theme that has depth and substance. Here are five interesting theme ideas to get your juices flowing:

1. Journeys & Destinations. Everyone shares a significant journey they’ve been on or a destination that changed them. The menu can feature dishes inspired by those places or experiences.
2. Seasons of Life. Guests bring a dish or a story that represents a particular season — spring for new beginnings, summer for growth, autumn for change, and winter for reflection.
3. Root & Branch. Guests explore where they come from (root) and where they’re headed (branch). The food can be a mix of traditional dishes from their backgrounds and something new or experimental.
4. Turning Points. Each guest shares a pivotal moment in their life that shaped who they are today. The dishes can represent those moments — a bold recipe for a daring decision made, a comforting dish for a moment of peaceful acceptance, etc.
5. The Art of Balance. Guests can share stories that represent how they’ve learned to balance dualities in their lives. The menu could reflect dishes that are sweet and savory, light and rich, a fusion of two cultures blended together.

The takeaway: Spend time establishing a theme and even sharing this with guests beforehand to get them excited even before the gathering happens.

Tip #3: Make Prep Fun

Any dinner party will require some kind of preparation. Whether you’re washing vegetables, setting the table, or throwing ingredients into a slow cooker, make this part more enjoyable by putting on some of your favorite singalongs or a quiet playlist to help you meditate as you work with your hands. I never had a kitchen karaoke sesh I didn’t like.

The takeaway: Enjoy the process!

Tip #4: Eat The Theme

On December 31st, our little group of friends gathered together for New Year’s Eve and shared a “word of the year” — a word that we felt defined the vibe, the goal, or the virtue we wanted to manifest in the upcoming 12 months.

Since this same group of friends were gathering for this dinner party, we decided to do a Q1 check-in. It’s been three months into the year. How are we doing? Are our words for the year still resonating and if not, why? To honor the messy process of progress, I landed on the theme “Messy Middle” and crafted a creative menu to go with it. All menu details below!

The takeaway: Get creative and match the menu with the theme. If you’re hosting a potluck, it can be a really meaningful way for everyone to bring a dish that means something to them.

Tip #5: Make ahead

If you can help it, grocery shop and cook on different days. Shop on Thursday and cook on Friday. Shop on Tuesday and cook on Saturday! Whatever you do, don’t do it all in one day or your energy will be zonked before your guests arrive.

Any dressings or sauces, make ahead of time and keep refrigerated.

Stews or casseroles, make ahead and reheat at the last minute.

The takeaway: Plan ahead and your day-of party will be smooth sailing!

Tip #6: Have a beginning, middle and end

Start on purpose. Think about how you want your guests to feel as soon as they walk in the door. Maybe you hand them a drink as soon as they cross the threshold. Or maybe you have a go-to person to greet them at the door and show them where to put their shoes, coat, wine they brought, etc.

Have a middle. Keep the evening flowing and make sure everyone has a chance to speak and contribute and be heard. Keep the food and drinks flowing and draw out people who are more introverted into the center of attention 😊

End with intention. I’ve been to too many gatherings where the event just peters out and people start trickling out in a very anticlimactic fashion. Avoid this at all costs. End with decisiveness, all together and as soon as it feels right, offer closing words and see your guests out the door. They’ll be thankful that you took charge.

The takeaway: Follow the arc. Start with purpose, continue the momentum, and end with decisiveness.

“Messy Middle” Korean Feast Menu

Appetizer: Fresh oysters served with fresh lemon slices.

The “messy middle” reason: Oysters are hard to eat. Opening even just one requires patience and it’s a messy process but at the end of all that effort, there’s a briny, delicious reward.

How much: 4-5 oysters per person on average. For our party of eight, I bought 36 oysters.

Make ahead: Slice lemons and keep in a container in the fridge.

Appetizer: Rainbow crudité with Korean ranch dip.

The “messy middle” reason: Around a beautiful platter of rainbow vegetables, I spooned a bowl of Korean ranch dip. It’s creamy, spicy and absolutely addicting but I made sure not to present it too perfectly. The bowl in the middle was overflowing in a charming, casual fashion, playing on the theme “messy middle.”

How much: About 1/4 pound (small handful) each of 4-6 different vegetables like asparagus, cauliflower, carrots, cucumber, snap peas, bell pepper, or radish. You could also serve sturdy potato chips for dipping as well.

Make ahead: Wash and slice all the vegetables and crisp in the fridge. Make the dip up to 2 days in advance and keep refrigerated.

Main: Korean BBQ short ribs with chamoe melon & lettuce perilla wraps.

The “messy middle” reason: Korean BBQ ssam lettuce wraps are not exactly photogenic. Stuffing the whole thing in your mouth in one bite also is a little messy. But it’s an experience and it’s all part of the fun.

How much: 0.5 to 0.75 lb of meat per person. For our group of eight, I bought about 5 lbs and marinated it overnight.

Make ahead: Marinate the meat at least 1 day in advance. Wash the lettuce and perilla leaves, spin dry and crisp in the fridge at least overnight. Make the ssamjang sauce up to a week in advance and refrigerate.

Main: Spicy Korean stew with pork ribs & seafood.

The “messy middle” reason: No real reason except that you can’t have Korean short ribs without spicy stew…

How much: 6 quart pot will be enough to feed 8 people.

Make ahead: Make the base of the stew up to 6-8 hours before your gathering. At the last minute, reheat and add any toppings (mushrooms, green onion slices, etc.) and then serve hot with rice.